You go on through each day, feeling like everyone is in their own world or time zone. When ever you see someone around you, you smile at them to be kind, but all you get is a raised eye brow and a tightly closed smile. The awkward reaction that completely kills the nice gesture you were trying to make. Why is it so cold? You try to do something that's warm, but it only back fires. You disregard it, and go on with life.
On another occassion, you're about to enter your school, and you can see that a teacher has his hands full with books and bags, so you open the doors for him.
He turns to you smiling and says, "Oh, thank-you!" both times, but the second time, he adds, "your parents must have raised you right!" That just made your day.
To get a smile after you do a good gesture feels so great, and definitely makes the gesture worth it.
Falling Petals
Monday, 19 December 2011
Thursday, 15 December 2011
A Life Summary...So Far
You think You Know Me
You think you know me. You look, then whisper.
you think I can’t hear you, you think I can’t hear what anyone says,
News flash, I can.
You think I’m used to people laughing,
after all, we do hear them all the time.
You’d think that by now, I’d be fine
with the way people talk to me or treat me,
considering you’re not the first to be….a huge meanie.
Hell no.
You think you know me. You look, then whisper.
you think I can’t hear you, you think I can’t hear what anyone says,
News flash, I can.
You think I’m used to people laughing,
after all, we do hear them all the time.
You’d think that by now, I’d be fine
with the way people talk to me or treat me,
considering you’re not the first to be….a huge meanie.
Hell no.
I’m human, I feel,
I feel no heal when you hurt me a great deal.
I feel only pain, and no, I’m NOT insane.
I feel the stares along with glares.
I can’t help but feel so alone and sad,
when you always poke and push, you treat me so bad.
Yes I cry, but you honestly wonder why?
Are you serious?
There are no words to explain what I went through.
I would think it’s all me,
I would think it’s the way I look,
I would think it’s the way I speak,
I would think it’s the way I smile or laugh,
Well, I think you’re just an ass.
You call me fat, I would not eat.
You call me ugly; I would wear a mask when I would take a seat.
You call me stupid, I would not speak.
For this I hate you,
I hate you for what you made me feel.
You made me feel fat, ugly, stupid and plain.
You made me feel sad, alone, with no back bone.
You made me feel like I was the only one,
sitting in the dark, where there was no sun.
I was in a dark place, with no light to shine,
on why I did not feel so fine.
I fixed everything that was wrong,
But you did not approve.
You continued to treat me the way you did.
Laughing, teasing, then brushing it off.
You would say, “oh, what are you talking about?”
Well here is what I am about to shout.
I am a girl, a sensitive one,
I care what people say no matter who they are.
THAT should be my greatest flaw.
To care what you say, when YOU are no one,
You are nothing to me,
just something as small as a flea.
You creep, buzz and annoy,
as you treat others as your toy.
You hear but you don’t listen,
why do I bother.
You made me feel so small,
I wanted to explode.
Well listen hear doll.
I’m a girl who won’t deal with your crap,
you’re mean, you just pull people into your trap.
You make others hurt because you feel,
alone yourself, you don’t know how to deal.
Well this is no reason for you to act like this
because you can only give one diss.
You’re not going to bring me down,
I will not take it, I will not frown.
You can say what you say, but in the end,
all that there is, is you without a friend.
So when you’re all alone come and talk to me,
who knows, maybe I’ll see,
if I have enough positive energy,
to help you be,
a better person.
I feel no heal when you hurt me a great deal.
I feel only pain, and no, I’m NOT insane.
I feel the stares along with glares.
I can’t help but feel so alone and sad,
when you always poke and push, you treat me so bad.
Yes I cry, but you honestly wonder why?
Are you serious?
There are no words to explain what I went through.
I would think it’s all me,
I would think it’s the way I look,
I would think it’s the way I speak,
I would think it’s the way I smile or laugh,
Well, I think you’re just an ass.
You call me fat, I would not eat.
You call me ugly; I would wear a mask when I would take a seat.
You call me stupid, I would not speak.
For this I hate you,
I hate you for what you made me feel.
You made me feel fat, ugly, stupid and plain.
You made me feel sad, alone, with no back bone.
You made me feel like I was the only one,
sitting in the dark, where there was no sun.
I was in a dark place, with no light to shine,
on why I did not feel so fine.
I fixed everything that was wrong,
But you did not approve.
You continued to treat me the way you did.
Laughing, teasing, then brushing it off.
You would say, “oh, what are you talking about?”
Well here is what I am about to shout.
I am a girl, a sensitive one,
I care what people say no matter who they are.
THAT should be my greatest flaw.
To care what you say, when YOU are no one,
You are nothing to me,
just something as small as a flea.
You creep, buzz and annoy,
as you treat others as your toy.
You hear but you don’t listen,
why do I bother.
You made me feel so small,
I wanted to explode.
Well listen hear doll.
I’m a girl who won’t deal with your crap,
you’re mean, you just pull people into your trap.
You make others hurt because you feel,
alone yourself, you don’t know how to deal.
Well this is no reason for you to act like this
because you can only give one diss.
You’re not going to bring me down,
I will not take it, I will not frown.
You can say what you say, but in the end,
all that there is, is you without a friend.
So when you’re all alone come and talk to me,
who knows, maybe I’ll see,
if I have enough positive energy,
to help you be,
a better person.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
My First Stage
You are practicing your first dance, over and over. With your tiny hands and feet, you try to grasp that annoying concept called coordination. You take your time, but you finally figure out how to do the dance. It takes you a lot of time, but with your teacher's help, you learn how to do each dance step correctly.
It's reaching the performance date, and you're SUPER excited! You practice so hard, for so long, until you get the sequence right.
PERFORMANCE DAY! It's all good until you are 2 SECONDS away from hitting the stage! You are freaking out, trying not to mess up your makeup or your beautiful costume and hair. Turns out, while you were worrying, you ate all of your lipstick, go figure.
You are about to go on stage, and all you can hear is the muffled sound of the audience, and the muffled sound of your dance mates who are constantly telling you, SMILE! Oh does that make you angry! When you tell someone to smile, over and over, it can only lead to stress, which you are feeling.
Trying to smile, you look over to the left side of the stage to see your mom, standing there, proud and tall. She gives you the greatest smile, but then she does it, she lips "S-M-I-L-E". That just threw you off, because right after she did that, the curtains opened and the music began. You can see a HUGE audience, all eyes on you and your partner, who are the youngest people in the group and the leaders of the whole group. You can't seem to turn on that "SMILE" switch, so you look over to your partner. You can see ALL of her shiny white teeth! The intro to song is done, and now it's time to start dancing. You do the steps, thinking, "good, good, I'm doing it right..." Then you look to the left, your mom mouths, "S-M-I-L-E". You take a deep breathe, and lift the corner of your lips slightly, but after TEN SECONDS of holding them up, they fall. You go through this routine of you looking at your mom, smiling for a bit, and then frowning, over and over. It's not until you do your most FAVOURITE dance step that you smile on your own. You do your favourite step, and you smile huge for the world to see, without anyone telling you to smile. Once that step is over, you go on the way did before, with your routine.
After the dance if over, the one thing you care about, the one thing that matters is that you smiled on your own, on stage! Yay!
It's reaching the performance date, and you're SUPER excited! You practice so hard, for so long, until you get the sequence right.
PERFORMANCE DAY! It's all good until you are 2 SECONDS away from hitting the stage! You are freaking out, trying not to mess up your makeup or your beautiful costume and hair. Turns out, while you were worrying, you ate all of your lipstick, go figure.
You are about to go on stage, and all you can hear is the muffled sound of the audience, and the muffled sound of your dance mates who are constantly telling you, SMILE! Oh does that make you angry! When you tell someone to smile, over and over, it can only lead to stress, which you are feeling.
Trying to smile, you look over to the left side of the stage to see your mom, standing there, proud and tall. She gives you the greatest smile, but then she does it, she lips "S-M-I-L-E". That just threw you off, because right after she did that, the curtains opened and the music began. You can see a HUGE audience, all eyes on you and your partner, who are the youngest people in the group and the leaders of the whole group. You can't seem to turn on that "SMILE" switch, so you look over to your partner. You can see ALL of her shiny white teeth! The intro to song is done, and now it's time to start dancing. You do the steps, thinking, "good, good, I'm doing it right..." Then you look to the left, your mom mouths, "S-M-I-L-E". You take a deep breathe, and lift the corner of your lips slightly, but after TEN SECONDS of holding them up, they fall. You go through this routine of you looking at your mom, smiling for a bit, and then frowning, over and over. It's not until you do your most FAVOURITE dance step that you smile on your own. You do your favourite step, and you smile huge for the world to see, without anyone telling you to smile. Once that step is over, you go on the way did before, with your routine.
After the dance if over, the one thing you care about, the one thing that matters is that you smiled on your own, on stage! Yay!
Falling Outcomes
The sun is out but your eyes aren't supposed to be exposed to it, so you see everything in a more shaded perspective, as if the sun were covered by a thin black shield that made everything look a bit darker. You get out of your car and head to the front doors of your school. You get into the school where you can see everything in a lighter way, yet still blury. You do the typical ritual for when you get to school late - go to the office, sign in, and then head upstairs, to class.
You are in class for a good amount of time, when the teacher tells you it's time for you and the class to head down to the gym for physical education. You get up, with your class, and head towards the stair well. Everything is still a bit blury, but you don't really care, you're used to it now. You start walking down the stair, when all of a sudden, you feel something block and grab your foot! You look down, and there it is, the thing that basically took advantage of you and screwed you over! The metal lining that boarders the stair step is sticking up and is clamped to your shoe. The next thing you see is the dusty tiled floor at the bottom of the steps. Your legs still dangling behind you on the steps, while your belly is touching the floor. This is very awkward! Your first year at this new school, and what do you do? You fall down the stairs! Smooth.
You slide off the rest of the stairs in agony and turn onto your back. The next thing you see, well, is a person. It's the kid that sits next to you in class; you know, the one you love to annoy. He looks over at you and asks "are you okay?" You don't say anything, but you know, for some reason, he's there for you. He's your friend.
You are in class for a good amount of time, when the teacher tells you it's time for you and the class to head down to the gym for physical education. You get up, with your class, and head towards the stair well. Everything is still a bit blury, but you don't really care, you're used to it now. You start walking down the stair, when all of a sudden, you feel something block and grab your foot! You look down, and there it is, the thing that basically took advantage of you and screwed you over! The metal lining that boarders the stair step is sticking up and is clamped to your shoe. The next thing you see is the dusty tiled floor at the bottom of the steps. Your legs still dangling behind you on the steps, while your belly is touching the floor. This is very awkward! Your first year at this new school, and what do you do? You fall down the stairs! Smooth.
You slide off the rest of the stairs in agony and turn onto your back. The next thing you see, well, is a person. It's the kid that sits next to you in class; you know, the one you love to annoy. He looks over at you and asks "are you okay?" You don't say anything, but you know, for some reason, he's there for you. He's your friend.
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Bus Number 2
It's dark outside as you walk to your car. You feel the cool breeze as you walk past the melted piles of snow. You get inside your car to a tank half full. You put your seat belt on, fix your rear view mirror and check your side view mirrors. You put your key into the ignition cylinder and turn the key, hearing that distinctive rum of the engine, indicating that the car has started. You reverse out of you parking spot that is located nearest to the exits. You drive.
You're on your way to your friend's place for dinner. You look at the clock on your new radio, it reads "10:00pm". "Damn," you think to yourself, remembering how you promised your friends that you wouldn't stay back at work past 8:00pm. You feel like you should call, but you don't want to get into an accident or anything like that, plus, you're near their grey - bricked bungalow.
You take the highway, your quickest option, which will get you to your friend's place in fifteen minutes.
As you're driving, you're listening to the radio, trying to tune out the rumbling of your stomach. You start to feel pains in your stomach that you know can only be relieved with a nice, big, hot meal.
As you get off the highway, you screech to a stop! The number two bus is in front of you. It clearly thought it could pass through the yellow light before it turned red, but it couldn't, so it stopped really fast. When it stopped, you slammed on the brakes, and jerked to a stop, avoiding hitting the bus. Your heart is pounding so fast and so loud, that you can hear it beat clearly. You have one second to calm down and lie back against the seat, when BANG! You're hit from behind! You feel a deep pain in the back of your head, neck and a bit of your back, like the pain of a headache, whip lash and pulled muscles, put together and multiplied by ten. The pain you feel upon collision is repeated three more times, bang, bang, BANG! The cars behind the car that hit you, all hit each other, which hit you harder.
You wait in your seat because really, you have no where else you can go, and you're pretty shaken from the collision. Your heart is racing faster than ever, your whole body is shivering, and you're feeling sick to your stomach.
After a half hour of waiting in your seat, you can hear the fire brigades come, yelling to make sure you're okay. They manage to crank your door open and get you out.
The EMT s are now on the scene and they check you for any major injuries. Luckily, you were able to come out of that accident with only a minor concussion and whip lash.
While getting checked, you over hear a conversation one of the drivers are having on the phone and that reminds you to call your friends.
As you dial your friend's number into your new Android cell phone, the only thing you're thinking about is the fact that you have completely lost your appetite.
You're on your way to your friend's place for dinner. You look at the clock on your new radio, it reads "10:00pm". "Damn," you think to yourself, remembering how you promised your friends that you wouldn't stay back at work past 8:00pm. You feel like you should call, but you don't want to get into an accident or anything like that, plus, you're near their grey - bricked bungalow.
You take the highway, your quickest option, which will get you to your friend's place in fifteen minutes.
As you're driving, you're listening to the radio, trying to tune out the rumbling of your stomach. You start to feel pains in your stomach that you know can only be relieved with a nice, big, hot meal.
As you get off the highway, you screech to a stop! The number two bus is in front of you. It clearly thought it could pass through the yellow light before it turned red, but it couldn't, so it stopped really fast. When it stopped, you slammed on the brakes, and jerked to a stop, avoiding hitting the bus. Your heart is pounding so fast and so loud, that you can hear it beat clearly. You have one second to calm down and lie back against the seat, when BANG! You're hit from behind! You feel a deep pain in the back of your head, neck and a bit of your back, like the pain of a headache, whip lash and pulled muscles, put together and multiplied by ten. The pain you feel upon collision is repeated three more times, bang, bang, BANG! The cars behind the car that hit you, all hit each other, which hit you harder.
You wait in your seat because really, you have no where else you can go, and you're pretty shaken from the collision. Your heart is racing faster than ever, your whole body is shivering, and you're feeling sick to your stomach.
After a half hour of waiting in your seat, you can hear the fire brigades come, yelling to make sure you're okay. They manage to crank your door open and get you out.
The EMT s are now on the scene and they check you for any major injuries. Luckily, you were able to come out of that accident with only a minor concussion and whip lash.
While getting checked, you over hear a conversation one of the drivers are having on the phone and that reminds you to call your friends.
As you dial your friend's number into your new Android cell phone, the only thing you're thinking about is the fact that you have completely lost your appetite.
Monday, 3 October 2011
Friends, The Quiet Saviours
It's cold and grey outside, and you can't wait to get out of this way - below - zero weather, and into your nice, warm house. You feel like you've been walking for ages, when you know that the walk home is 25 minutes and you've only been walking for 10.
You're alone, with no one to get your mind off of this yucky weather. You think to yourself, "I could really use a nice hot chocolate right about now."
You continue to walk, when you start to hear a faint sound coming up behind you. You hear the laughter of teenage girls and the terrible sounds of their version of "Jingle Bells". You continue to walk, as the terrible sounds grow louder, as they creep up behind you.
The next thing you know, there are arms flying over your head and all around you. The girls are chanting louder than ever as they circle you, which starts to get you a bit spooked.
You try to tune them out and walk past them, quick. You try to get away from them and it takes quite a bit of time, but they finally get the hint that you don't want to deal with them right now.
You continue to walk when you hear an unrecognizable voice that's clearly trying to get your attention.
"Hey, you. You look so weird! You're ugly, what's wrong with you? What, you can't talk?"
You don't turn around to face the creep who clearly has nothing better to do than basically poke you with a stick. You keep walking and he keeps following, shouting at the back of your head. You try to ignore him, but he makes it so hard to when he makes deep jabs at you. You take a glimpse at this person and know for sure that you never met him before in your life, and you're pretty sure he does not know you.
So you wonder "why is he saying all of this crap?" He doesn't know you, he doesn't know how you've been having to deal with this kind of crap for a while and you're pretty much at your breaking point. He DOES NOT KNOW YOU.
You get closer to a bus stop, and you just glare the stop down as you walk. You've been staring it down and toning the strangers out for so long, you don't realize that the loud girls from earlier are trying to get the boy to leave you alone, telling him to stop. He doesn't listen and continues to shout at you.
You go back to ignoring him, and walk past the bus stop, you can hear the girls stop, but you can still hear foot steps behind you. He's still walking up behind you.
You feel your heart pounding so hard and so fast it hurt, in panic, not knowing what this stranger's intentions are. You start walking faster than before, and you hear his footsteps get faster too. You're scared out of your mind, worried about what could possibly happen.
You take a quick glimpse back he's behind you, but that's not what you notice. You notice that someone you know is coming near, behind him. You cross the street and wait for your friend to come. You never felt so relieved to see this person in your whole life. Once your friend crosses, you could see the stranger turn around and start walking back to the bus stop.
Who knows what could have happened if your friend never showed up...
Don't take your friends for granted <3
You're alone, with no one to get your mind off of this yucky weather. You think to yourself, "I could really use a nice hot chocolate right about now."
You continue to walk, when you start to hear a faint sound coming up behind you. You hear the laughter of teenage girls and the terrible sounds of their version of "Jingle Bells". You continue to walk, as the terrible sounds grow louder, as they creep up behind you.
The next thing you know, there are arms flying over your head and all around you. The girls are chanting louder than ever as they circle you, which starts to get you a bit spooked.
You try to tune them out and walk past them, quick. You try to get away from them and it takes quite a bit of time, but they finally get the hint that you don't want to deal with them right now.
You continue to walk when you hear an unrecognizable voice that's clearly trying to get your attention.
"Hey, you. You look so weird! You're ugly, what's wrong with you? What, you can't talk?"
You don't turn around to face the creep who clearly has nothing better to do than basically poke you with a stick. You keep walking and he keeps following, shouting at the back of your head. You try to ignore him, but he makes it so hard to when he makes deep jabs at you. You take a glimpse at this person and know for sure that you never met him before in your life, and you're pretty sure he does not know you.
So you wonder "why is he saying all of this crap?" He doesn't know you, he doesn't know how you've been having to deal with this kind of crap for a while and you're pretty much at your breaking point. He DOES NOT KNOW YOU.
You get closer to a bus stop, and you just glare the stop down as you walk. You've been staring it down and toning the strangers out for so long, you don't realize that the loud girls from earlier are trying to get the boy to leave you alone, telling him to stop. He doesn't listen and continues to shout at you.
You go back to ignoring him, and walk past the bus stop, you can hear the girls stop, but you can still hear foot steps behind you. He's still walking up behind you.
You feel your heart pounding so hard and so fast it hurt, in panic, not knowing what this stranger's intentions are. You start walking faster than before, and you hear his footsteps get faster too. You're scared out of your mind, worried about what could possibly happen.
You take a quick glimpse back he's behind you, but that's not what you notice. You notice that someone you know is coming near, behind him. You cross the street and wait for your friend to come. You never felt so relieved to see this person in your whole life. Once your friend crosses, you could see the stranger turn around and start walking back to the bus stop.
Who knows what could have happened if your friend never showed up...
Don't take your friends for granted <3
Sunday, 2 October 2011
The Day That Keeps You Wondering
December 26th, 2004.
All you hear is the swoosh of water, the screams of civilians and the cries of children looking for their mothers, with the occasional moments of silence. All you feel is cold, thick, water mixed pieces of plants and garbage all around you, the water going up your nose, into your burning eyes, and into what once was clean hair. All you smell is the stank of sewage, garbage, and that smell you normally would smell after some heavy rain fall. All you see is...well, nothing. Once you move your dirty, scruffy hair out of your face, you open your eyes to nothing, just water, lots of water, and the indescribable view of the people, the people who couldn't get away.
You feel alone, like you're the last person on Earth, with no one to tell you, "it's alright, you're going to be okay." The truth is, you don't feel alright, and you surely DON'T feel okay. To be frank, you feel so unsafe at this very moment, no knowing when the dark, heavy, cold water will hit you again. You're afraid that if you move the slightest bit, your world will come crashing down on you.
You close your eyes, you take a deep breath, and move your cold, wrinkled toes the slightest bit forward. With your shivering hands clenched in the tightest fists possible, you open your eyes, nothing has change.
You see that there's a building in the distance, and say to yourself, "I can make it over there, I can swim," and that's exactly what you do.
You start swimming, the fastest, the hardest you've ever swam before. While you swim, you just think about how those swimming lessons payed off, and how this is nothing like what you pictured when booked a flight around the world.
You make it to the building where the water seemed to have died down. You get the top of the building in case IT comes back again, and just fall to the ground. Your body is so weak and tired, but you can still feel the adrenaline pumping through your body. You blink three times, and look to the grey sky.
You wonder, "how did I get here?"
All you hear is the swoosh of water, the screams of civilians and the cries of children looking for their mothers, with the occasional moments of silence. All you feel is cold, thick, water mixed pieces of plants and garbage all around you, the water going up your nose, into your burning eyes, and into what once was clean hair. All you smell is the stank of sewage, garbage, and that smell you normally would smell after some heavy rain fall. All you see is...well, nothing. Once you move your dirty, scruffy hair out of your face, you open your eyes to nothing, just water, lots of water, and the indescribable view of the people, the people who couldn't get away.
You feel alone, like you're the last person on Earth, with no one to tell you, "it's alright, you're going to be okay." The truth is, you don't feel alright, and you surely DON'T feel okay. To be frank, you feel so unsafe at this very moment, no knowing when the dark, heavy, cold water will hit you again. You're afraid that if you move the slightest bit, your world will come crashing down on you.
You close your eyes, you take a deep breath, and move your cold, wrinkled toes the slightest bit forward. With your shivering hands clenched in the tightest fists possible, you open your eyes, nothing has change.
You see that there's a building in the distance, and say to yourself, "I can make it over there, I can swim," and that's exactly what you do.
You start swimming, the fastest, the hardest you've ever swam before. While you swim, you just think about how those swimming lessons payed off, and how this is nothing like what you pictured when booked a flight around the world.
You make it to the building where the water seemed to have died down. You get the top of the building in case IT comes back again, and just fall to the ground. Your body is so weak and tired, but you can still feel the adrenaline pumping through your body. You blink three times, and look to the grey sky.
You wonder, "how did I get here?"
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