The Smile

You go on through each day, feeling like everyone is in their own world or time zone. When ever you see someone around you, you smile at them to be kind, but all you get is a raised eye brow and a tightly closed smile. The awkward reaction that completely kills the nice gesture you were trying to make. Why is it so cold? You try to do something that's warm, but it only back fires. You disregard it, and go on with life.

On another occassion, you're about to enter your school, and you can see that a teacher has his hands full with books and bags, so you open the doors for him.
He turns to you smiling and says, "Oh, thank-you!" both times, but the second time, he adds, "your parents must have raised you right!" That just made your day.
To get a smile after you do a good gesture feels so great, and definitely makes the gesture worth it.

A Life Summary...So Far

You think You Know Me

You think you know me. You look, then whisper.
you think I can’t hear you, you think I can’t hear what anyone says,
News flash, I can.

You think I’m used to people laughing,
after all, we do hear them all the time.
You’d think that by now, I’d be fine
with the way people talk to me or treat me,
considering you’re not the first to be….a huge meanie.
Hell no.

I’m human, I feel,
I feel no heal when you hurt me a great deal.
I feel only pain, and no, I’m NOT insane.
I feel the stares along with glares.

I can’t help but feel so alone and sad,
when you always poke and push, you treat me so bad.
Yes I cry, but you honestly wonder why?
Are you serious?

There are no words to explain what I went through.
I would think it’s all me,
I would think it’s the way I look,
I would think it’s the way I speak,
I would think it’s the way I smile or laugh,
Well, I think you’re just an ass.

You call me fat, I would not eat.
You call me ugly; I would wear a mask when I would take a seat.
You call me stupid, I would not speak.

For this I hate you,
I hate you for what you made me feel.
You made me feel fat, ugly, stupid and plain.
You made me feel sad, alone, with no back bone.
You made me feel like I was the only one,
sitting in the dark, where there was no sun.

I was in a dark place, with no light to shine,
on why I did not feel so fine.
I fixed everything that was wrong,
But you did not approve.

You continued to treat me the way you did.
Laughing, teasing, then brushing it off.
You would say, “oh, what are you talking about?”

Well here is what I am about to shout.

I am a girl, a sensitive one,
I care what people say no matter who they are.
THAT should be my greatest flaw.
To care what you say, when YOU are no one,
You are nothing to me,
just something as small as a flea.
You creep, buzz and annoy,
as you treat others as your toy.
You hear but you don’t listen,
why do I bother.

You made me feel so small,
I wanted to explode.
Well listen hear doll.

I’m a girl who won’t deal with your crap,
you’re mean, you just pull people into your trap.
You make others hurt because you feel,
alone yourself, you don’t know how to deal.
Well this is no reason for you to act like this
because you can only give one diss.

You’re not going to bring me down,
I will not take it, I will not frown.
You can say what you say, but in the end,
all that there is, is you without a friend.
So when you’re all alone come and talk to me,
who knows, maybe I’ll see,
if I have enough positive energy,
to help you be,

a better person.

My First Stage

You are practicing your first dance, over and over. With your tiny hands and feet, you try to grasp that annoying concept called coordination. You take your time, but you finally figure out how to do the dance. It takes you a lot of time, but with your teacher's help, you learn how to do each dance step correctly.
It's reaching the performance date, and you're SUPER excited! You practice so hard, for so long, until you get the sequence right.
PERFORMANCE DAY! It's all good until you are 2 SECONDS away from hitting the stage! You are freaking out, trying not to mess up your makeup or your beautiful costume and hair. Turns out, while you were worrying, you ate all of your lipstick, go figure.
You are about to go on stage, and all you can hear is the muffled sound of the audience, and the muffled sound of your dance mates who are constantly telling you, SMILE! Oh does that make you angry! When you tell someone to smile, over and over, it can only lead to stress, which you are feeling.
Trying to smile, you look over to the left side of the stage to see your mom, standing there, proud and tall. She gives you the greatest smile, but then she does it, she lips "S-M-I-L-E". That just threw you off, because right after she did that, the curtains opened and the music began. You can see a HUGE audience, all eyes on you and your partner, who are the youngest people in the group and the leaders of the whole group. You can't seem to turn on that "SMILE" switch, so you look over to your partner. You can see ALL of her shiny white teeth! The intro to song is done, and now it's time to start dancing. You do the steps, thinking, "good, good, I'm doing it right..." Then you look to the left, your mom mouths, "S-M-I-L-E". You take a deep breathe, and lift the corner of your lips slightly, but after TEN SECONDS of holding them up, they fall. You go through this routine of you looking at your mom, smiling for a bit, and then frowning, over and over. It's not until you do your most FAVOURITE dance step that you smile on your own. You do your favourite step, and you smile huge for the world to see, without anyone telling you to smile. Once that step is over, you go on the way did before, with your routine.
After the dance if over, the one thing you care about, the one thing that matters is that you smiled on your own, on stage! Yay!

Falling Outcomes

The sun is out but your eyes aren't supposed to be exposed to it, so you see everything in a more shaded perspective, as if the sun were covered by a thin black shield that made everything look a bit darker. You get out of your car and head to the front doors of your school. You get into the school where you can see everything in a lighter way, yet still blury. You do the typical ritual for when you get to school late - go to the office, sign in, and then head upstairs, to class.
You are in class for a good amount of time, when the teacher tells you it's time for you and the class to head down to the gym for physical education. You get up, with your class, and head towards the stair well. Everything is still a bit blury, but you don't really care, you're used to it now. You start walking down the stair, when all of a sudden, you feel something block and grab your foot! You look down, and there it is, the thing that basically took advantage of you and screwed you over! The metal lining that boarders the stair step is sticking up and is clamped to your shoe. The next thing you see is the dusty tiled floor at the bottom of the steps. Your legs still dangling behind you on the steps, while your belly is touching the floor. This is very awkward! Your first year at this new school, and what do  you do? You fall down the stairs! Smooth.
You slide off the rest of the stairs in agony and turn onto your back. The next thing you see, well, is a person. It's the kid that sits next to you in class; you know, the one you love to annoy. He looks over at you and asks "are you okay?" You don't say anything, but you know, for some reason, he's there for you. He's your friend.